{giving} THANKS

We had a busy holiday weekend the past few days! After work Wednesday we made the trip to my sister's in Alexandria. Ezri had a great time hanging out with her cousin Shaylea all weekend! I actually did most of my Black Friday shopping early last week...but I did get a few more things online on Thursday and Friday. Shaylea also decided to spend the night at our house on Friday, and my mom had a "Grandkids Sleepover" on Saturday. So we are ready to return to a little normalcy around here! Ezri's was so exhausted all day, even with a 4+ hour (!) nap.

I, however, could use another Sunday. I spent the last few days finishing up photo projects for gifts so I need a day of rest. Like, REAL rest.

Here's what I'm most thankful for this year:

Yep, she started walking! Just a few steps here and there, but it won't be long now.

And so begins my favorite time of year! Our decorations are up, Christmas cards addressed, presents wrapped, and I updated my holiday music on iTunes today. Pretty successful holiday weekend in my book!

Happy Thanksgiving All!

A Year of Ezri

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Proud Minnesotan

The day after election day. You're either really happy, or extremely disappointed. Not only I am very pleased, I'm also exceptionally proud.

Minnesota denied the constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. And three other states won similar ballots affording the right for gays to marry. I cannot put my excitement into words. I really believed with all my heart that it would fall, regardless of how bad I wished the opposite was true.

On top of that, most of the candidates I voted for won, included Obama! Now, we live in an extremely conservative area, so of course my facebook page lit up with people threatening to move to Canada. Or give up on the whole democratic system. Or simply stating their disappointment with the outcome. Oh well, that's their right. But I have a hard time believing that anyone voting for Romney/Ryan was actually informed on the issues. And no, "I heard it on Fox News" doesn't count. I really wish people would educate themselves before they through a tantrum like a two year old. Please. Have some respect!

My friend posted this, and it speaks true to almost every reason why I supported Obama:

"When President Obama says he is looking out for the middle-class, I believe him. When he says he is pro-education, I believe him. When he says he wants to push innovation and invest in energy of the future, I think that’s two of the best things we can be doing right now. I believe President Obama helped prevent us from falling into a second Great Depression. And I believe the Affordable Care Act (“Obamacare”) will prove to be one of the best programs ever enacted for citizens of the United States.

Though Fox News and the hard-right propaganda machine routinely suggests otherwise, President Obama saw through a load of successes in his first term. Some of the biggest: He ended the Iraq war. He established an Afghanistan exit plan. He rescued the auto industry. He passed healthcare reform. He passed Wall Street reform. He ended “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” He signed the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act for women. He passed the credit card bill of rights. He shifted focus and funds back to infrastructure. He handled the BP Gulf spill exceptionally. He handled the East Coast Hurricane Sandy situation exceptionally. He helped overthrown Muammar Gaddafi. HE GOT OSAMA BIN LADEN. All this despite obstructionist Republican leaders who refused to work with the President and deemed it their “Number One Priority to deny President Obama a second term.” The gridlock in Washington is not President Obama’s doing; it is the result of a non-compromising, stubborn Republican party.

The winner of this presidential election will likely appoint one or two Supreme Court justices. I don’t want to see another hard-right justice appointed like those who ruled that “corporations are people” or who would vote to overturn Roe vs. Wade.

The Great Recession was almost The Great Depression II. We hit rock bottom in 2008--the final year of George W. Bush’s presidency. Those were the conditions when Barack Obama took office. In no way do I believe the same brand of policy that got us into that mess--“trickle-down” economics (tax cuts for the wealthy)--is what will get us out of it. The Great Recession ended in mid-2009, and the economy has been growing--albeit slowly--since. How can anyone believe we were supposed to make a full recovery from that in just three years? It took 11 years from the start of The Great Depression for the economy to truly recover, and companies weren’t shipping jobs overseas in droves back then.

President Obama has not been perfect. I feel he walked into the presidency with a false sense of non-partisan unity, and Washington slapped him in the face for it. He naively predicted an economic recovery during his first term. But I’ve seen a man who has learned from his mistakes and exercised a healthy balance of caution and aggressiveness when it comes to highly tenuous situations. His successes far outweigh his failures, and I believe he deserves a second term to see through our economic recovery and push forward progressive policies that benefit not only the present but the future of our country."

And there you have it.

So can we be friends again? Am I safe to un-block you from my news feeds? As I've learned, probably not. I cannot separate one's political beliefs from their personalities. Well, that's not really the issue. I should say I cannot separate one's ignorance or unwillingless to research the issues from their personalities. And I don't want to be your friend and have to see your rants every four (or two, depending on how the mid-term elections are going) years. I don't want to be friends with people that think woman should not have a right to choose what to do with their own bodies, or that they are not entitled to fair pay. Or that we should deny certain people basic civil rights like marriage. Or that the rich shouldn't have to pay taxes while the poor are starving to death. Or that companies like Chesapeeke Energy can pollute our groundwater without any ramifications. That is not okay. No one should be okay with any of that. We need to take care of each other, not go after each other's throats.

but that's just me.

sorry, not sorry!

-b.

Birthdays

Anyone that knows me knows I L-O-V-E birthdays. I enjoy making a big deal about them, finding the perfect gift, card, place to celebrate, etc. Granted, these last few years I've been less than excited to turn a year older (and I have now officially reached my maximum age of 29) but I still manage to have a good time.

Kurt turned 31 last week. It was pretty low key. Ezri & I made him an ice cream cake complete with oreos and strawberries (his favorite mix-ins at the drive-in!) and that was pretty much it. Partly because his birthday has never been a big deal for him, but mostly because we were busy planning Ezri's first birthday party the following Sunday.

Which brings me to....

How is it possible that I have an 1-year-old daughter? I look back on this past year and I can honestly say I enjoyed every minute of it. I know everyone thinks that's a lie. How can you possibly enjoy midnight wakings, changing diapers, teething, and just the basic need to recover from birth? Okay fine. The recovery part wasn't fun. But it went so fast and smoothly I really don't have anything to complain about. I know how lucky I am. Trust me.

And the midnight wakings? Well, Ez was a decent sleeper from the start. Plus we co-slept, which means it was rare if I was sleep-deprived. And diapers? With breastfeeding, those weren't so bad either! And the teething we didn't even notice until we saw a tooth come through!

I've said it before. We have the most amazing, perfect daughter there ever was. Or will be, for that matter.

So what would I do differently? I would have bought a better camera before I gave birth. We were low on cash, and I decided to make due with what I had. I still regret that decision!

I wouldn't have freaked out about "advice" others told me. No one seems concerned that since Ezri wears diapers now, I'll never be able to get her out of them later. The same principle applies to our sleeping arrangement. Babies have different needs, and if I could go back I'd savor every second I had holding her while she slept, rather than worry about when she'll sleep on her own.

And third, I would trust my instincts more. I was so unsure of everything that I second-guessed myself A LOT. My first instincts were usually right on. So my advice to others is to trust yourself.

I'm holding back tears as I post this, because I love verso much and a part of me doesn't want her to ever grow up...

Happy First Birthday Baby Girl. I love you with everything I am.

-mommy.

Fall(in)

Fall Fun!

Last Sunday, I took Ezri to Pumpkinfest near New Ulm with my sister and her boys. I know she's still too young to really enjoy this stuff, but I love taking her places and starting new traditions with her. My nephews (ages 5 & 3) had a blast. They went on a train ride and loved picking out the perfect pumpkins! It was crazy busy, but the weather was great and (bonus!) Culver's had their frozen custard desert bar there! Yum. You all know how crazy I am for ice cream :) Here's a couple pictures from the day...

Kurt carved one of our pumpkins a few nights ago, but unfortunately, it's already collapsing in on itself. We'll wait until it gets closer to Halloween to carve the others.

We also got some (more, I know) family pictures taken last week. The leaves were in perfect color, and our amazing photographer friend (www.lmbphotog.com) got some great shots. We've only seen a sneak peak so far, but I know I'm going to have a tough time deciding what to order.

I'm preparing for my first trip away from Ezri without Kurt. We left her with my parents for the weekend back in June, but Kurt was with me and I was distracted by an amazing wedding and visiting old friends, so it went pretty quick. This time, I'm going alone for a work conference. I'm terrified that I'll be a blubbering mess the whole way to the airport. And I'll probably cry myself to sleep too! I really didn't think I'd be this kind of mom before I had kids. But here I am, having a panic attack about leaving my almost-1-year-old daughter with her dad for two nights. I know she'll be fine, although Kurt seems nervous about being her sole caregiver for three days. Maybe it would be easier if I was going somewhere more desirable. Don't get me wrong, I love Chicago. But this is my fourth time going and my good friend Gina (who lives there) will be out of the country while I'm there. So nothing for me to look forward to really. Then factor in the whole lugging a breast pump through airport security (I've read horror stories involving TSA agents) and I'm really dreading it. Here's hoping I can get through it with a smile....wish me luck!!

.b.

Fit. ness.

I've been pretty lucky in my life with avoiding weight struggles. My body's naturally been on the slender side, and my sweet tooth doesn't do much damage to the scale. However, I was concerned that by never having to experience this, I was really going to struggle with a work out regimen post-baby. So a few years before I started thinking about having kids, I decided it was time to get in the habit. I would alternate between running and circuit training (usually Jillian Michaels workouts. Can't stand that woman, but her workouts are short and effective.) 6-7 days a week. I even bought a treadmill! Because, let's face it, my clumsy self would never be able to run on an icy MN sidewalk in the winter.

And guess what? I didn't die. I didn't even hate it as much as I thought I would. Actually, I loved it!

When I first found out I was pregnant, I naturally was on the cautious side. It was five long weeks between the positive pregnancy test and when my doctor would schedule my first prenatal appointment. All the books said it was okay, but this being my first pregnancy I wasn't taking any chances. Plus I was sooooo tired that first trimester I had trouble standing let alone running a few miles. Once I got the okay from her to continue my usual exercise, I picked up right where I left off.

I was fortunate enough to be able to keep up with my running throughout my entire pregnancy. Well, almost. I ran slower. Actually, "run" is being generous. Let's say "jog". I jogged up until week 37 before I had too much pain to continue. My biggest obstacle was finding cute maternity running gear that didn't cost a fortune (which I was never able to find while I was pregnant, but I discovered For Two Fitness shortly after delivery. of course.)  And I replaced the higher impact Jillian Michaels with yoga or workouts geared for pregnant ladies.

I did get a lot of "are you sure you should be doing that?" or "you know you're supposed to gain weight, right?" but I know most people meant well. We just don't see a lot of 8-month prego women running the trails around here! And somehow I still managed to gain the recommended 25 lbs.

I had the smoothest labor and delivery possible, I think. I guess I don't really have anything to compare it to, but it was so much better than I ever could have imagined. I progressed naturally and quickly, and the nurses even commented on how quickly I was moving around the hospital afterwords. I don't know if it's because of my exercise routine (studies suggest this to be true), genetics, or just dumb luck, but I know this. I will be continuing it with any future pregnancies I may have.

With my doctor's blessing, of course.

So now what? My first post-partum run was 6 weeks after delivery. I was scared I wouldn't be able to go far, so I set a goal of 2 miles. I made it 3!! I did pretty well with continuing my old schedule of alternating running with circuit training through the spring, but since June I've struggled to find the time. I did one 5k (the Dirty Girl mud run, which was a blast!! totally recommend) in August, and if I workout twice a week I call that a successful week. How do all the working mamas out there find the time? I only get my daughter for a couple hours at night between work and bedtime, and there's no way I'm giving up those precious minutes :) At least I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight shortly after delivery, but I need to get my strength and endurance back!

Hopefully I can get back to where I was....someday.

.b.

My First Love

It's been almost two years since I've been to a concert. Far too long. I've forgotten how much I miss live music. Something about feeling the vibrations and the whole atmosphere that soothes me. I love being in the presence of others who are just as passionate about the band as I am. That doesn't happen to me here in Springfield. People like music here, sure, but its more of a love for Katy Perry or Blake Shelton. Soooo not my thing!!

I didn't make it to any shows last year. Guess I was too busy planning for Ezri's arrival to get to any. But I'm making up for it now! Last week, I saw Trampled by Turtles with my husband and brother. They're a Minnesota band I've always loved! I love local music :) Plus it was an outdoor show and the weather couldn't have been better. Bonus!

Last Thursday, I made the trip to Minneapolis with a couple friends to see Silversun Pickups, Atlas Genius, and School of Seven Bells. They all put on an amazing show!! God I love them. I'm so glad they made a stop in MN. Silversun Pickups was missing one of their key members (Nikki had her last show the week before. She's very pregnant right now, so we all understand!!) but you wouldn't know it. Her replacement was great. And I even scored Ezri a SSPU onesie! I know it's a little weird, but "Lazy Eye" totally reminds me if her. I think it was on the playlist I made for her birth and that one just stuck.

Music truly is my first love. The right song can instantly change my mood. I so wish I had any time of musical talent. Now if only I could figure out a way to make a career out of this passion of mine....maybe as a photo editor for a record label? Rolling Stone? Any ideas???

Here's a few shots from the shows:

Vote {NO}

Here in Minnesota, we will be voting on an amendment to define marriage between one man and one woman come November. I am a huge opponent to this amendment, and I'd like to ask all my readers to Vote No (laws regarding gay marriage are also on ballots in Maine, Maryland, and Washington this year).

I leave in a teeny tiny little Hamlet of a town, very conservative, and very religious. Well, they think they are religious anyway. I say that because I have a hard time believing their "God" would condone such hateful and judgmental behavior. I consider myself a recovering Catholic for many reasons. The largest one being that I always felt scared, judged, or that I wasn't good enough for the fellow church-goers. We were taught not to do things out of love or kindness, but out of fear. They do not commit sins because if they do we will go to hell, not because it's simply the "right thing to do". Now that I am older, I am able to recognize that just because someone goes to Church every Sunday, that does not mean they are a good person. In fact, I've found the opposite to be true. I don't think that people can be mean, horrible, malicious people six days a week only to confess their sins come Sunday and all is well again. That's not how it works for me. I am a good person, and I found myself being judged frequently simply because I am not a member of a Church. Or because we choose not to baptize our daughter. Really, if I could, I would go back and un-baptize, un-confirm myself, and I certainly would not have gotten married in a Catholic church.

How does this all relate to gay marriage?

Well, I've found that local churches have been handing out "Vote Yes" yard signs. Which in a way makes me happy to know that people are probably only putting them in their yards simply because they are readily available (the closest place to get a "Vote No" sign is an hours' drive). But still. And a much bigger point: Why are these organizations granted non-profit status?? That should certainly be revoked. I read in the St. Cloud Times a few months ago that the St. Cloud Diocese donated $50,000 to support this amendment. Now, I'm no expert, but I'm guessing $50,000 could have gone a loooooong way in fighting homelessness, starvation, lack of clean water, etc. But instead they chose to spend it on spreading hate. The exact opposite of what a Church should stand for.  This is a political issue, not a religious one. Nobody is forcing the Church to perform gay marriages. Rule #1: Separation of Church and State. Who's ignoring the constitution now?

Every time I see one of these "Vote Yes" signs it makes my blood boil. Who are these people? What makes them better than anyone else? Why are they so quick to judge, when I'm sure they have their own issues to deal with? Being gay is a birth trait; it can't be controlled any more than your eye color. It cannot be changed. Nor should it! We are a diverse nation and each person brings something to the table of value. I honestly believe that.

I still can't believe we are fighting this fight. I almost want to go around and take pictures of everyone next to their "Vote Yes" signs. I think they would be comparable to all the protestors of the 1950s fighting civil rights. They will look just as nutso as these people do now. But, then I think I would be one of them. I don't need to sink to their level, no matter how difficult that is for me!

All in all, it only makes me what to do the whole surrogacy thing more and more. I've always said that if my pregnancy & delivery went smoothly, I would like to be a surrogate. I'm only one vote when it comes to this amendment, but if I could give a couple (or 2, or 3 or....) a child, I could fill their lives with so much love and joy that maybe it would outweigh all the hurt and pain they've had to go through in their lives. It's the only way I see myself making a significant difference. I WILL be doing it, hopefully sooner rather than later.

Here's a link from a Letter to the Editor of the Newspaper in New Ulm which makes some good points:

Marriage Amendment - NUJournal.com | News, Sports, Jobs - The Journal, New Ulm, MN


.b.

yum. food.

Before I got pregnant, I knew gave much thought to breastfeeding. Every baby I had ever known had gotten formula. Most mothers hadn't even tried breastfeeding. So that was always my plan too. I mean, why put yourself through that? I just didn't get it.

Then I got pregnant. Started doing research. Not only on the health benefits of breastfeeding, but also the cost of formula. And I discovered quite a few people in my life that had breastfed their children. I decided I was determined to do it, even if it was only during my maternity leave.

I'll admit, I had a lot of skeptics. No one expected it to last. And I was very cautious when the subject came up. I'd say things like "Well, I'm going to TRY." or "We'll see how it works". Even when she was a couple months old, I'd hear "So when do you start giving her formula?" like it was absolutely essential for her survival. That's where our society is now! They forget babies have been feed for centuries by milk, not formula!

In preparation, I read a few books and found some sources in case I ran into problems. Luckily, the hospital where I delivered was great. They asked if I planned on breastfeeding shortly after I was admitted, and that was that. No one tried to give her formula and all the nurses were great. Christy, bless her heart, was my labor and delivery nurse. She was a-mazing. Seriously. Not even just for the delivery, but she helped me nurse Ezri when she was about 45 minutes old. I love that woman.

We met with the lactation consultant the day she was born and then again after we were discharged, when Ezri was three days old. That morning, my milk came in. And did it ever! She advised me to go directly to the home medical equipment store and purchase a pump or I would be in pain in a few hours. So glad I did ($280 later, and numerous calls to my insurance company, each time with a different answer regarding coverage for such supplies, grrrr). It was so worth it. I know I was supposed to let my supply match Ezri's demand, but I was so concerned about drying up I thought the more I had stored in the freezer the better (no worries- I found a local woman with supply issues that was happy to take the extra off my hands).

I could not imagine feeding Ezri any other way. No that we didn't have a few hiccups. We had some trouble getting her to take a bottle, but as long as I wasn't the one trying to feed it to her, she came around. I also had a bit of scare when I thought she might have a sensitivity to dairy (no ice cream?! ahhhh!) but that was my imagination running wild. Oh, and I managed to get a case of Mastitis at about 2 weeks, probably caused by my oversupply. Even that wasn't so bad though, once the fever went down! She gets the best possible food for her, no tummy troubles, I managed to drop all the baby weight before I even went back to work (and another 10 lbs since then) and we've saved quite a bit of cash. I wonder if more people would consider breastfeeding if WIC didn't cover formula? No that I'm against programs like WIC, just a thought.

So here we are, 10 months in, and still going strong. I have no plans to stop. Although I am looking forward to the days when I won't have to consider how accessible my shirt is when I get dressed in the morning!

.b.

Parent {ing}

As far as parenting goes, I believe that there's really no "wrong" style of parenting. People do what works for them and their families, and I hate when people judge others on how they are raising their kids. I mean really...when it comes down to it none of us have any clue what we are doing.

It wasn't until Ezri was a few months old before I discovered "Attachment Parenting". Actually, when I think about it, it was the infamous TIME magazine cover asking the question, "Are You Mom Enough?" that's introduced me to the world of extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, etc. I looked a bit further into the background of the mother on the cover, Jamie. (Speaking of which she has a great website, iamnotthebabysitter.com.) Anyway, before this, I never knew of the concept of attachment parenting. However, I was already practicing a lot of the methods.

The night we brought Ezri home from the hospital, I just thought, 'she's so tiny! what if she needs me?'  There was no way I could let her sleep ALL. THE. WAY. across the hall in her crib. So, she slept in our bed. And it was awesome. We both got a good night's sleep, and I was right there for her when she needed her feedings every few hours (we were blessed from the start, she only woke up once most nights). I knew if people were aware of our sleeping arrangements, I would hear some pretty strong opinions. But everyone found out anyway. So I thought I better try to get her in her own bed before I ruin her. I tried at two weeks, again at two months, and three months. I was really stressed out about it, but only because I felt uncomfortable with other people's views on the practice rather than how it affected us. I actually loved it! And after I went back to work, I missed her so much! I'd take any time I could get with her, even if she wasn't awake for it. Around this time is when I really asked myself why I thought it was so important to stop co-sleeping. I know there are some studies that suggest a higher risk of SIDS. That scared the hell out of me. But then there's other studies, about breastfeeding mothers and co-sleeping safely that suggested a reduced risk of SIDS. I decided that we were doing it safely, she felt secure sleeping right next to me, and I enjoyed having her there. Also, co-sleeping allowed me to get the most (and best) sleep possible.

So here we are. Ezri will be 10 months old on Sunday, and I just started putting her in her own crib last weekend. Honestly, the only reason why I'm doing it now is because she just started crawling, and although there are options for keeping her safe (bedrails come to mind), her crib just seemed like the best option. She's been great, we've had no trouble transitioning to her crib yet. So, I guess I didn't "ruin" her after all :)


.b.

Background Noise {a bit about my chaos}

I (brittany) am a wife (of six years, to kurt), a mother (to the most beautiful baby girl in the world, ezri), and a photo editor (by day). Other roles I play are daughter, sister, financial planner, IT support, photographer, designer, promoter, advocate, runner (jogger might be more accurate), granddaughter. I have a deep love for all things musical. I'd love to make a career out of it someday, but I haven't quite figured out how to do that in my little Hamlet of a town. My husband and I moved back to our hometown (population: 2,100) after earning our Bachelor's degrees back in 2006. I do miss living in a somewhat larger city, but for now being close to family is our priority. I want me to daughter to grow up knowing her grandparents, and it's certainly an advantage to have trustworthy babysitters and daycare providers nearby!

.

Ahhhh, Ezri. I know every new mother says this, but I had no idea I could love someone so much. I don't even miss sleep that much. Well I do, but I miss time away from her so much more. Plus, she's such a little ray of sunshine at 6am I can't really be mad at her! I couldn't have asked for an easier pregnancy and delivery, other than the MRSA (more on that later) I contracted at the Hospital. And of course the whole billing/insurance process, which I'm now 10 months into and still can't make sense of. Again, more on that later. I always said that if my body handled pregnancy well, I'd love to be a surrogate for a couple. I looked into this further a few weeks ago, but they require potentional surrogates to be done breastfeeding. I also asked around a few message boards and all the others that have been through the process have suggesting waiting until I am sure I'm doing having kids. I think we may want to have at least one more, so this dream is at least a few years off. It's always in the back of my mind though!


.

I'm extremely passionate about everything in my life (see note above referencing music!). Politcally, I support Gay Marriage, Health Care Reform, and Planned Parenthood to name just a few of my views. Sometimes, I really wish I didn't feel so strongly about such things, especially living where we do. I'm fairly certain I am the only democrat in a 30-mile radius. I also dislike people instantly when I see republican yard signs displayed in front of their houses. Sorry. Don't take it personally. And when it comes down to it, I can overlook certain political views eventually when warranted! Needless to say I have been forced to unsubscribe or block a few facebook friends over the years...

and that's me in a nutshell.

.b.